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Shit, I had this whole post typed up about how I'm using Google Calendar to keep track of birthdays so I finally found a good use for it after the novelty wore off, and how the Kings of Leon rocked the shit out of my face at Summerfest, but it was a really goddamned boring read, so Control-A and Delete came to the rescue.
Instead of that stuff, I will tell you about some movies I watched recently. Why? Because I am a movie whore, that's why. I don't even use protection...when eating butter soaked popcorn while sitting naked on my couch that Travis will soon sleep on when he visits this weekend. No, I meant sitting in my boxers on the couch. Yes. No worries Trav, none at all.
Anyway, movies. You know the scale.
Hitch: Black man mostly acts like a white guy except when a white guy tries to dance like a black guy. Ends up sexing Eva Mendes. Worth a look
Click: A Bruce Almighty clone in which Adam Sandler plays a less annoying version of Adam Sandler, and Walken shows up for another "WTF" awesomely funny role. Kate Beckinsale = unf. A lot better than it should have been
Inside Man: Denzel Washington continues to get roles by playing the same character he's been playing for the last 20 years, yet it never gets old. Clive Owen is quote-worthy. Jodie Foster continues to be worthless in her return to film. She and her breasts were at the top of their games in Nell in 1994. Fucking awesome
Superman Returns: Worst superhero movie since Fantastic Four, and..oh, woops, actually I haven't seen this one yet. Cock Chaos
X-Men 3: Worst superhero movie since Fantastic Four, and people die that really shouldn't have died except for one guy who dies but doesn't really die all the way, but you don't know that unless you stayed to watch the post-credits scene. Not Ratner's fault the script was shit.
As Ratner's punishment for choosing to direct a movie at the last minute without re-doing the completely terrible script, he should be forced to replace Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker with Jaun-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal in Rush Hour 3. Oddly enough it wouldn't be much of a difference since, like Chan and Tucker, you can't understand what the hell Van Damme and Seagal are ever saying. Have you seen Seagal's latest movies? Every line comes out as an unintelligible mumble before they kick the film into fast-motion so it looks like he can still move quickly and beat up 4 foot tall Japanese motorcycle ninjas.
And Van Damme is just a moron. I couldn't understand him in Street Fighter and I probably can't understand him now, seeing as how he's an 850 year old foreigner. Yet I won't be surprised if he can still do the splits. Goddamned Belgian.
Speaking of unsurprising, Van Damme is rumored to be playing a bad guy...in Rush Hour 3.
There. I hope you all have learned something. That is all.
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