Instead of recommending some awesome tunes you should listen to because my taste in music is superior to yours, I instead decided to alert you to some music that, well, is to your ears like what watching 2 girls-one cup from the goatse guy’s anus would be to your eyes.
First up is some douchenozzle named Asshole Roth. I don’t know who this guy is but I instantly wanted to punch him in the face. If this is what 2009 has in store for nerd-rap, I’m going to say fuck computers and start working at Home Depot.
If not for all the tits I would have killed myself before the end of this sentence. And somehow this has four and half stars which means Gerg will probably want to murder approximately 200 people.
This other band is called Brokencyde…because they feel broken “inside”. Awww….bunch of twats. Apparently this is why, in the video, they suddenly go from grinding on the girls to screaming in their ears while strangling them. These are the kind of guys that shoot people at Virginian colleges.
Probably the greatest thing about Brokencyde is that their Wikipedia page has more in the Criticism section than anywhere else. And just because it’s so good I’m going to post it all here:
Some select tags from last.fm: “This band gave me cancer,” “daddy didn’t love me,” “please pay attention to me,” “my hatred of this is so thick and rich that you could drizzle it over pancakes,” “proof that evolution is a theory,” “all aboard the failboat,” “my sense of asethetics has been brutally sodomized,” “I threw up in my mouth a little,” “if the sound of someone shitting into your brain could be recorded it would sound better than this,” “used at Guantanamo Bay,” “gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys,” “I call shenanigans,” “this is why we can’t have nice things,” “drugs are bad,” “this is incredibly offensive,” “a fascinating study in faggotry,” “this is bullshit,” “look at me I’m famous on the internet,” “proof there is no God,” “why the rest of the world hates America,” and “goddamnit myspace.”
Can you believe Screamo/Electronica is a genre? I bet Ruppel listens to this emo shit. Goddamnit Ruppel.
These assholes call themselves Animal Collective and I think their video gave me brain damage. Listening to this song is like being stuck in a gallery with walls full of colored swatches that other people call abstract art, and you want to turn and say “the fuck is this man?!” but you can’t because your date is a hot redhead that you want to pound like you’re the fist of an angry god. Animal Collective also manages to call their music Noise-Pop, Experimental, Freak-Folk, Neo-Psychedelia, and Indie fucking Rock. It’s weird that their music is in all the shitty genres. It’s like they knew people would want to never listen to it.
My Dick! I’m just kidding, this song is awesome.
Is that a freakin Panther in that Brokencyde video? It sounds like they got a Panther to sing for them. If they didn’t look and sound so douchy, I would be impressed.